Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
