And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Two words: blizzard sex
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
