i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
