honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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