Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
