I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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