lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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