party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
