There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
