The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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