help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
