as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Randomize
