"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
