You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Randomize
