dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
