I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
