i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
