her vagine was all disorganized.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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