and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
