tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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