so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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