I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
