The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
