Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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