So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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