You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
