Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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