worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize