Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
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