I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
