Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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