And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
