If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
