hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
You are the jesus of drinking
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize