if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
