my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
