so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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