ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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