I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
