Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
