Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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