end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
