so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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