Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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