I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize