We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
