I'm really into asian looking animals
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
this boner is exhausting
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize