my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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