The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
