They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
