I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Randomize
