I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
