last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Well I just put wine in my tea
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize