Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
