Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize