I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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