I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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