we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize