You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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