I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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