I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
