Im at strip club and am horny
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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