I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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