I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I need to align my fucking chakras
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
