So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
