dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
he had hair everywhere except his balls
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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