I must be too annoying 4 u.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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