Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
