Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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