She is in my trunk
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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