My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
