oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
