i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
