I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
