can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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