Don't you send me to vm
no, he came in my armpit
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
