That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
