just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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