Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
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