I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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