She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
