I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
