the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
We're too hungover to prance.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
dude. I can hear the air.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
