So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
so let's talk penis.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
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