in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
