Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Everything about him screamed your future.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
