she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
