Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
