Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
