It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
