Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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