Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize