Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
