I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
