Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
tell me about the eggs
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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