Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Randomize