So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
