Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
