I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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