the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
