nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
