My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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