There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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