I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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