She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
